I read this book (affiliate link The Five Love Languages) a few years ago and it completely changed the way I think about love and relationships. Since my anniversary is next week I’ve been thinking a lot about my husband, our relationship and how hard it can be to stay connected and as in love as we were when we first got married. Not to say that I love him any less now, if anything I love him more, but with three kids and two full time jobs, not to mention our own hobbies and interests it can be hard to make the time to nurture our relationship. In this book the author talks about the Five Love Languages. He says that there are basically five ways that people receive and feel loved, and unless you are aware of what your partners is, you may or may not be meeting it.
My love language is words of affirmation. It’s probably one of the reasons I didn’t enjoy being a stay at home mom. I thrive on people telling me I’m doing a good job. On my husband constantly telling me he loves me. Without that, I slowly begin to feel worthless and unloved. My husband’s love language is acts of service. He feels loved when I do silly things like vacuum the house, or put away his laundry. Now these aren’t a big deal to me, but knowing that these simple things show my husband that I love him helps keep our relationship strong.
We both have the same secondary love language, physical touch. We thrive on hand holding, snuggling, kisses and being romantic. Sometimes when I find us being short with one another or when I notice myself becoming annoyed with him more easily I try and think about when the last time I did something nice for him was. Chances are it’s been a minute. And when you aren’t feeling love, you don’t want to give love. It’s a vicious cycle.
Chances are you have a good idea of what your partner’s love language is. Think about the thing they are always nagging you to do. Are they constantly fishing for compliments? Nagging you to spend time with them? Maybe complaining that you aren’t helping out around the house? The things we complain about most to our partners are good indicators of what we are missing from our relationship. So I am here to give you some ideas of ways to rekindle that passion, and restart that romance, love language style!
Words of Affirmation
- Write your partner love notes using magnetic words on the fridge.
- Be specific in your compliments, rather than “you look nice” say “that’s a nice color on you” or “your hair looks really nice that way.”
- Mix tapes/playlists, cards or emails – something that shows you were thinking of them or has a special meaning.
- Make a point to follow their routine one day a week. Early bird or night owl whichever way they tend to go make a point to do that once a week.
- Try something new together. Take a cooking class, go on a new walk, try a new restaurant. Either you’ll find something new you both love or you can laugh at the failed experience later.
- Take an unexpected day off together. Schedule a “vacation day” and spend a day doing things you normally wouldn’t do. See a matinee, go out to breakfast, window shop your downtown stores, go on an adventure drive to somewhere you’ve never been before.
- Gifts don’t have to be expensive. Consider a photo album or framed collection of photos from a trip you took, a big event in your lives, or just the everyday adventures.
- Handmade coupons for services your partner regularly requests. Car wash, back rub, errands, etc.
- Create a scavenger hunt of clues leading up to your gift. Puzzle pieces that make a picture of a destination, or clues that lead them to a romantic dinner you prepared.
Acts of Service
- Get up earlier or stay up later to do a chore you know your partner hates doing. What a surprise that will be in the morning!
- Think of something they would never expect. Organize their office, clean out the garage, pull weeds in the garden, clean the oven, etc.
- If you lack the skills to do a job your partner wants done either hire it out or look to your circle of friends. Is your buddy a carpenter, have them build that thing your partner has been wanting!
- Make a point to kiss goodbye in the morning, and hello in the evening.
- Hold hands as you do your normal errands.
- Pick up a bottle of sensual lotion and give them a romantic rub down!